Day 35.

     I’ve been taking a few days off from blogging, trying to get my head back on straight. Sometimes my condition feels like just too much to handle. I know it’s been over a month now. I’ve heard before–I mean, I might be wrong about this, but all I can say is that this is what I’ve heard–I’ve heard that it takes 21 days to form a habit. 21 days for something to become a given in a person’s life. Something a person’s gotten used to. And it’s been more than 21 days now, certainly. So I can’t really call my situation new anymore, and I can’t say that on some some level I’m not already used to it.
     I used to wake up in the morning, this was just a few weeks ago, I used to wake up and think, how is this my life? What have I become? These thoughts were intertwined with desperate feelings of denial, and of false hope that I’d return to my previous state, the awful condition that’d overtaken me relegated to a painful, but maybe eventually laughable, footnote in a full life I’d lead. Now, though, I feel like I have those warring thought processes a little more in check. Would I love to be myself again? Of course. But I have to get used to this new me, and like I said, in some ways, I already am. I mean, there are people way worse off, right? There have to be. And at least I can still think clearly, you know? So there’s that. For the time being, at least. I’m just trying to keep some perspective in all of this.