Day 36.

     I spent a couple hours today drafting emails to Lily. I know what happened between us has nothing to do with my current situation, but it’s my situation that keeps convincing me not to get in touch with her. See, what happened was, once the dust had settled, once the sun had long past set on our relationship, I started planning to get in touch with her. To see if enough time had passed and maybe I could take another shot with her, and maybe get things right this time. The planning never went anywhere, though, because, if I’m honest with myself, I was scared. Of her reaction, of the look on her face when she’d see the email, of her inevitably just rejecting me outright without even reading whatever I’d written. So with this in mind, I let days, weeks, months pass, without doing anything. And now, I’ve been drafting this email, over and over, knowing I can’t bring myself to send it, because of my condition. I just have to get used to the idea that I missed my window of opportunity for getting in touch with her. I have to.
     All told, though, this has been a pretty solid week so far. Regardless of what I said above, I’ve been maintaining a mostly positive outlook, as detailed in my previous post. I’ve even given some thought to returning to work. Granted, I’d have to take clients via email, but I’ve done that before, and while it’s a little harder, it usually works out fine. So that’s something I’m thinking about. I’ll keep you all posted.